Everything's Wrong
by Dan Q. Bailey
Summary: Nothing seems to go right for Ashfur, and now that Squirrelflight's with Brambleclaw, that seems to be even more true. Takes place when Ashfur decides to become a traitor.


**This is just a short one-shot I wrote about Ashfur, because nothing seems to turn out right for him. Takes place when he's still alive, but after Squirrelflight's dumped him. Rated for thoughts of suicide. Based off of the song by Crossfade. If you haven't heard it yet, I highly recommend that you do. Lyrics are as follows:**

_"Everything's Wrong" by Crossfade_

_It hurts to be alone in the cell I call my home.  
But it heals me in my mind without you by my side.  
I feel so down and out and you never knew that about me.  
When you fought this all away and now I know it was no mistake._

_But it's all gone._

_Nothing feels good anymore,  
everything's wrong yeah!  
Nothing feels right anymore.  
I'm a slave to my anger,  
everything holds me down,  
so I won't try anymore._

_But it's all right._

_I left without a plan, I knew you would not understand.  
It all builds up to this day, made it too hard along the way.  
I felt so full of doubt at the thought of running out kills me.  
And I kept it close to home but I love being all alone._

_When it's all gone._

_Nothing feels good anymore,  
everything's wrong yeah.  
Nothing feels right anymore.  
Im a slave to my anger,  
everything holds me down.  
So I won't try anymore._

_And I'm still hanging on and I tried so hard for you.  
And I'm still holding on and I've tried my best for you._

_Oh nothing feels good anymore,  
everything's wrong yeah.  
Nothing feels right anymore.  
I'm a slave to my anger,  
everything holds me down,  
so I won't try anymore._

_But it's all right._

Ashfur watched, hidden beneath the undergrowth, as Brambleclaw faced Squirrelflight. He was telling her he loved her, and while Ashfur didn't mind that too much, what really hurt him was hearing Squirrelflight say she loved him back. Pain stabbed at him like a thousand sharp claws as he heard those words leave her mouth. Watering tears crept to his eyes, and he felt himself plummet into absolute misery.

Did his own feelings not matter at all to her? Did she even care about him at all? Of course, Ashfur knew the answer to those questions. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he attempted to convince himself, it caused him pain to admit it, but he knew the inescapable truth.

She didn't care at all. It mattered not to her what he felt like, all that mattered to her was how she felt. He could be dead and she wouldn't care, because for her nothing would have changed. She had just been using him, and while before he could have just fooled himself into believing she actually cared for him, now there was no doubt. There was nothing for him to hide behind, because here, facing him, was the irreproachable truth.

The first thing he felt was anger. He felt as if he wanted to rip out both Brambleclaw's and Squirrelflight's throats and then- and then what? He didn't know. There was nothing more he could do after that, except mope around and be miserable, and he could do that just as well without killing anybody.

This thought deflated him. He had nothing left. Squirrelflight had _used _him, had acted as if she had loved him, had made him fall in love with her, and then turned around and fell for Brambleclaw, leaving him lost and alone. Anger was all he had left. Without that he was nothing, nothing but a shell of his former self, just going through the motions of life until his time to die. Squirrelflight had destroyed him. Without her he was nothing, and she had taken herself away.

He looked at her, leaning up against Brambleclaw, the two of them nuzzling each other affectionately, both of them acting as if they were the only two cats in the world. He felt sick. His ears perked, however, when he heard Squirrelflight break the long-standing silence between the two.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear you say that, you stupid furball," murmurmed Squirrelflight, her eyes closed.

"And I haven't?" retorted Brambleclaw, a laugh in his voice hiding behind the mock indignation and amusement flickering in his bright amber eyes. The two cats, dark tabby and bright ginger, shook silently with laughter for a few moments, and then Brambleclaw mewed, "You know, Squirrelflight, I arranged the patrols so that the both of us have the rest of the day off."

A pleasantly surprised smile lit Squirrelflight's face, and standing, she mewed, "Well, what are we waiting for? Come on, you big fluffball!" Brambleclaw hit her gently with his tail before standing and following her deeper into the forest. Ashfur couldn't watch anymore. Here he was with his heart breaking, his life seeping out through the cracks, and there they were, enjoying themselves.

_It isn't fair! _he seethed, his deep blue eyes filling with hot tears. "It's just not fair," he whispered to himself, the breath barely passing his lips. The tears were now rolling down his face, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. He just wanted to get away from it all. To never have to worry about anything else ever again.

Suddenly abandoning his anger, he stood and, almost tripping over his own paws, rushed towards the lake. It wasn't too far away from where he was now, and why the thought hadn't occured to him before he didn't know. What he did know, however, was that it presented a perfect solution to his problem.

---

When he reached the lake, he didn't even pause to admire it's beauty. Instead, he rushed straight down to the shore and stopped short, just a few mouse-lengths away from where the sloshy gray waters beat against the shore in their eternal, rythmatic tide. Despite himself, he was beginning to have his doubts about the credibility of this idea.

_Can I really go through with it? _he wondered, his tail twitching nervously. _Do I really want to? What about Ferncloud? What will she think? _He glanced down again at the lake water, and as it reached up to shore again, he saw it as a paw reaching up to grab him and pull him to his death in it's watery depths. Spooked, he leaped backward further up-shore, his pale gray fur fluffed out.

_I can't do this, _he thought, backing away. _There's no way! I just can't end my life like this! What in the name of StarClan am I thinking?_ He crouched down on the sand, lifting up one of his paws to cover his face. He was a complete and utter failure, and he knew it. He wasn't that important a warrior, he couldn't keep Squirrelflight, and now he had discovered that he was too much of a coward to kill himself and rif himself of all of his misery. "What kind of warrior am I?" he asked aloud to himself, not thinking that anybody would hear.

"Not much of one, from the looks of it," replied another cat.

Ashfur's head shot up and his ears swiveled forward, so he was facing this intruder. He was rather surprised when he saw Brambleclaw standing in front of him, smirking. _I wonder where Squirrelflight is? _he wondered, glaring reproachfully up into Brambleclaw's contemt-filled ice-blue eyes.

_No, wait. Brambleclaw's eyes are amber. There's only one cat around the entire lake with eyes that blue. That must mean that this is- _"Hawkfrost?" asked Ashfur, taken by surprise.

"Who else would it be?" asked the big tabby tom, his ears twitching as he sat down across from Ashfur.

"What's a RiverClan cat like you doing trespassing on ThunderClan territory?" challenged Ashfur, a growl rising in his throat.

"Whatever in StarClan's name I please, so it seems." replied Hawkfrost, a smile taking the place of the smirk on his face. "But otherwise, I don't believe it's any of your business," smiled Hawkfrost, more than a hint of a snarl evident in his voice.

Ashfur knew that, as a loyal ThunderClan cat, he should stand up to the challenge and either insist to know or drive Hawkfrost off the territory, but instead, he just felt himself deflate. What was the point of it all? After all, what good would it do him? It wouldn't get him Squirrelflight back, and it certainly wouldn't get him his life back. No, what was the point of making another enemy? He had enough of those already.

"Alright then," he sighed, turning back to stare out at the lake and closing his eyes. "Just do me one favor, will you? Stay with me a while. I haven't had anybody to talk to in a long while."

Confusion swam across Hawkfrost's face at this strange request, but he didn't leave. The two sat for a while in uncomfortable silence, until Hawkfrost asked, "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Nothing in particular," replied Ashfur, lifting his head to meet the on-coming breeze. "I just want to know, have you ever wanted revenge?"

"Revenge?" asked Hawkfrost, his ear twitching. "Vengence, maybe, but revenge, no. Why? Have you?"

"Yes."

"Against who?" inquired Hawkfrost, interested now. He hardly ever had time to really talk with anybody, and now that he did, he was glad he had found someone at least remotely interesting to talk to.

"Squirrelflight," was Ashfur's dead-pan reply. His eyes were still closed, but the tenseness of his muscles showed how much feeling he had against the ginger warrior.

"Firestar's daughter? Whatever for?" Oh, yes, Ashfur was definately interesting.

"Because of what she did to me. I'll never forgive her for it. She's ruined my life. If only there was a way I could cause her as much pain as she's caused me."

"Ashfur, are you a particularly trusted warrior?" asked Hawkfrost, only a tad nervous about the major breach he was about to make.

Ashfur's head shot up and a baffled look flashed across his face at this unusualy question. "Yes, actually," he replied, thinking only how strange an inquest it was.

"Well, in that case, I think I may have a way for you to get your revenge," meowed Hawkfrost slowly and carefully, evaluating with his eyes Ashfur's reaction.

"Really?!" asked Ashfur in surprise, once more giving Hawkfrost his full attention. "How? I'll do anything you ask of me, Hawkfrost. Anything."

Hawkfrost smiled, not a pleasant sight. "That's exactly the response I was hoping for, Ashfur. There's no going back now, so I hope you were being sincere." With that said, he began telling his and Tigerstar's plans to a very shocked but agreeing Ashfur.

Not less than an hour later, Hawkfrost had said his good-byes to Ashfur, who nodded back. The pale gray warrior watched his dark tabby accomplice as he made his way down the lake-shore towards ShadowClan territory. He kept his eyes glued upon him until he vanished from eyesight, and then he turned back towards the lake, sighing.

The choice he had made would have been difficult for anyone else, but not for him. He knew what he was doing, he knew how risky it was, and he also knew that, although he would probably forever be condemed as a traitor, he had to do it. His anger for Squirrelflight and his desire for revenge led him on. He may not be able to kill her, or even himself, but he could find ways to cause her as much pain as she had caused him. For him, it was worth the risk.

Not that he didn't feel a little trepedation. What he had just agreed to do was huge. He had never done anything like it before, nor had he ever dreamed of doing so. But he knew, deep down, that he would do it. For that he had no doubt. He had been committed to the end, ever since he had said so to Hawkfrost. There really was no going back. He had made his choice, and now he would stick with it.

Ashfur smiled wanly. Maybe he wouldn't kill himself, maybe he just had. One thing he knew without a doubt, however, was that nothing would ever be the same again.

**Okay, so it wasn't one of my best. I was actually kind of happy with it at the beginning, and I think it was good until Hawkfrost showed up. I mean, he's one of my favorite characters, but the author's really don't give you much in the way to work with involving character, do they? So, yeah, that's when it begins to get a little awkward. But I hope you enjoyed anyway!**


End file.
